Its your world, shape it or someone else will..

Letter to my Ex.

You and I know I have been holding on because I love you and I know we’d be great together. If somebody were to ask me years ago even before I met you what kind of guy I’d like to be in a relationship with, I’d probably describe somebody like you: smart and witty, tall and kinda skinny and nerdy, driven, somebody I can talk to about anything I want to talk about. 
 
We had those eight months. I have learned a lot about myself, about life, about love, and what I deserve. It was never easy between us. How can it be when we both knew it wasn’t supposed to be? But we handled it quite well. For a couple caught up in a relationship that isn’t supposed to be, we never fought. Not even once. We had arguments and discussions, but we never fought, never said hurtful words, never hated each other. We both knew when to back off.

Even when I became so angry and frustrated with the situation, I never fought with you. Even at times when you got angry at other people and dumped it all on me, I didn’t get angry. And you never got angry too. Not even at times when I deliberately tried to get you angry.

There were no fights, but there were always apologies. Apologies for a relationship that should never had happened. It happened because we thought we knew ourselves better and knew when to hold back and stop. But we didn’t because we both knew we wanted and love each other.

Despite the things you didn’t understand about me, you supported me in everything. Encouraged me when I needed encouragement, congratulated me when I did well, and told me to do better when I did poorly. You always believed that I can do better and be better. Thank you!

I am finally letting go. I have told you before that I was letting go and moving on but we both know I didn’t. I kept holding on to the idea of you and I, of someday, somehow, things turning the way I want them to be. But holding on has been rough for me so I need to let go now.

Never forget that there was a girl who loved you with all her heart. And that while she might have done a lot of stupid things while she was in a relationship with you, she loved you dearly, unselfishly, and unconditionally. And she does not and will never regret loving you for loving you made her feel like in her life full of sadness and unexpected challenges, being loved can make things better.

-Me

Borrowed from a friend

Don’t you know the sun should rise and set on you? Don’t you know that you should be his first and last thought each day? Don’t you know how amazing you are? Don’t you see how beautiful you are? You have so much love to give, any guy would be blessed to have you. You should be his first and last text each day, and every text in between. I know you hurt because everyone responds to you but him I know you hurt because they see your tears and he doesn’t I know you hurt because they would be there for you in an instanst You deserve to be his everything You deserve to be loved completely To be his heart To own his heart

Misguided mess

It’s been two months since my very best friends told me that I was being too picky on these dating sites. She demanded (in her sweetest way) that I had to go on at least one date that weekend. I did.

I’ve had 5 first dates, and 2 second dates. I’ve met people who look nothing like their picture, who forgot to mention they are still married, are super clingy, sexist and most recently.. Insane.

The pool of “eligible” men needs some chlorine.

Resetting Standards

I will not go out with a man who hasn’t asked me out.

I will not go out with a man who keeps me waiting by the phone.

I will not date a man who isn’t sure he wants to date me.

I will not date a man who makes me feel sexually undesirable.

I will not date a man who drinks or does drugs to an extent that makes me uncomfortable.

I will not be with a man who’s afraid to talk about our future.

I will not, under any circumstances, spend my precious time with a man who has already rejected me.

I will not date a man who is married.

I will not be with a man who is not clearly a good, kind, loving person.

2011 Seattle AIDS Walk